"Fvck that. Fvck this. Fvck him. Fvck her. Fvck it. Fvck you."
@Poopypoop, I'd vote for you
@Poopypoop, I love that song! Douglby
Honest to god mine is "but their craigslist add said they were the best ninjas east of Saskatoon"
@the almighty cheesus, looking your personal protection secret service squad already i see
@Watguy, "I'm coming Zarbon, quick grab my balls"
@Watguy, mine is a little more complex, but very similar. "Ok"
@Watguy, your what's wrong with this country, saying k and sh!t
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm always a good influence."
"The Philly cheesesteak is decent tasting!"
"I am not doing your goddamn work for you. This is where I draw the line"
"Hey, are you asleep?"
@I Are Lebo, Bill Cosby's running for president?
@Whole Inn Juan, ouch
@Whole Inn Juan, #bestcomments
"The best way to a girls heart is through her rib cage"
"Hey, that's mildly adequate"
@LordHougun, aka Hilary's backup slogan
As someone of proud Canadian heritage, I'm absolutely fine with my campaign slogan of "sorry"
"can you pick up hazelnut creamer?"
But I already show my dick pics to the public
New phone who dis
@omgjackt, who was it?
"I did the job. Where do you want the body?"
"Well I see it like this. If we lose, you'll need a drink. If we win, you'll need a drink. So all the reason to visit lol."
"Don't forget me"
@Canada4, I laughed out loud on that one
@Canada4, Gary Johnson?
@bootyquake, More like Lyndon LaRouche
"We're all going to hell anyway, so we may as well enjoy the ride"
@Hamward, for bantu?
"God has abandoned us"
"Not much just wondering if you guys have my money?"
" Send a potential car buyer a text asking for nudes lol "
"I have something really funny to tell you."
"haha Dank memes"
"Nope just some cheap starbucks coffee."
"hey Bby want som fuk
"Also, Ian Eagle is coming to campus on September 27th, 7:00 PM in the Nelly Golletti theater. Come see him!"
@Deer Jesus, if you are near Marist, come see him
"She looks like she's about to go out on purge night
"Thanks" I'm so confident that I'm already thanking the American population.
@Atticus O Sullivan , mine is "Ok! Thank you. Bye."
Kill me now
"It may be fatal"
"Lmao. Go for a walk"
"Whoa! Lol. I'd rather have you sitting on my face than go to work too!"
Well, this got awkward really quickly...
"the fvck guys? Why is there bread in the sink"
"where and how much"
Not even kidding "Lets fvck away the feelings" is the last text i sent :/
"Excuse Me I think you meant сука ыуат"
"When we going bowling, so I can whoop dat ass?"
"Don't forget the minion."
Well, there go my chances.
Whats good in the hood
My phone's autocorrect is all sorts of fvcked
do you want subway??
"I'll play overwatch in an hour, lemme make eggs first"
"The fandom's had it all figured out for many episodes. Honestly, I'm kinda disappointed."
Fvck em all to death
'He's talking to Ellie and Emma and being super awkward'.... I'd vote for me
"I'm gonna take a sick day today."
"guess you'll just have to deal with me then"
@PepperSlappy, still better than our current situation. Youve got my vote.
"It's OK as long as you accept the fact that it's a cutlery box"
"It's all downhill from here"
It's literally a picture of me building Star wars lego sets so I think I've got a shot
I slowly took my hands off of my ears and rested my chin on my knees. "I'm a damn adult and yet when I so much as think about the man I turn into this...frightened little kid." I said. "I hate it. I hate him." (My friends and I are weird.)
"If you want"
"Bitch I'm coming for you"
Don't let them in the attic x
"I'm about to"
Gets out early
Can it wait
"I'll inform the guy."
"Hopefully they'll be done cooking in 5 to 10 minutes."
"Don't use your study papers as blunt papers k buddy"
"Yeah but it's gone now I'm gonna start putting a ban on certain people that eat too fvcking much"
@FaithlessDemon, well you will get someones v
" Problems with aloha call asap "
"can only come a week sorry"
"If you insist."
Do you need anything
This could work
"Well how sad". That'll really get the people going
"I'm done" I feel like I won't get very far with this
Do you overfeed the dog? She Looks fat.
Are you guys interested in going to the corn maze?
"Do it tomorrow instead then"
I just sent like a 4 page text to my fiance for our 5 year anniversary. Let me tell ya, the people would feel loved if that was my presidential campaign.
"I've masturbated to you, too" gif...
You talkin s**t fam?
"Brownie points should get me cuddles or head"
"I'm the blondie center front looking all gangsta"
(With a picture) I'm concerned about my foot being green.
I'm out of toilet paper can you bring some?
It's just one if those days
"Hungry for Apples?"
"oh you mean the lecture notes?"
"You can cry on my shoulder and I'll rub your back"
"My migraine has dulled to just a headache, so I'm going to rest this morning so I can hopefully have it completely gone before the kids get home." Interesting slogan...
Rest in pepperoni
You should kick his ass to demonstrate your authority
"She forgot to make it so its on Wednesday."
"Found yo juice under my couch n¡gga."
@frostynips, but was it November juliet?
"Coughing, fever, general discomfort"
Sounds great for our country
"What gender should I be tomorrow" is probably a very good campaign slogan
╰( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆*:・ﾟ
My latest text was just "noice" so I think I've won this election
"But yeah, D.Va is the best. Screw him."
I swear to god if my opponent is a Mei main...
Get me some of those pizza bagels or I'll cut you
"My dad and I went to this Indian place for dinner last night and he convinced me to just get a 4 out of 5 on the spice meter, and it was super weak, and the waiter comes over and asks if it's too hot and sees me just chowing down on both of our stuff not even flushed and I just looked him in the eye and said "it's tasty, and it at least has a pleasant tingle" and I saw true fear in his eyes"
"Might as well try it then"
How could you tell I am still up?
Thank you for preparing the coffee
私たちはチョコレートを食べて忘れた. We forgot to eat the chocolate
"BRING THE WHISKEY CHRISTINA"
"I know right?"
°͡ ͜ʖ ͡°)
Not even joking
Mine literally says " don't be " perfect for the presidential options
I just got called a Fvcking Nazi
Well it was a link to heavy R featuring a coy fish sucking a d!ck sooo....
"Maybe next time..."
"Good shjt, man"
"Just tell them you can but don't"
Me telling my girl to tell the job interviewer she can work Christmas
"Okay. That's a little better."
Sounds like nothing has really changed but I will try and check when we get back up there if she's feeling well
"You can run, but I'll still be in your nightmares"
I think Dad and I finished them
My dad will pick you up from work
"You're gonna have to take that up with my girlfriend."
"Actually, Thursday is better"
"I'll just have to eat some of your food some other time"
We are happy to introduce fashion police to our unoversity
"I know you do 😋"
I'm done with lab!
"It's too good, so much time, wasted"
"Bus is coming kiddo"
"I pocket dialed you."
Whoop there it is
Yes, I know. WOW
'Isnt that good'
"Shut* not sit." -koukatsu for president 2016. Make America grate again.
He said because he didn't say why he liked something during an assignment
"Yeah ... Oh well" ... Well i think I might win ...
"Hey"... Do I win?
I sent my friends the Gary Johnson picture a few pics back. So this works out pretty well
"You need to finish what you started.. Even if it is suck @ss and boring."
"Ok, just wanted to check in with you all. Love you"
*Damn, I'd be the nicest president in history 😎
"Hey, Olivia, what did you do today"
"Oh nothing much I jusT JOINED A CULT?
-me to my mother
I Wish I was joking
@hemaybetrash, like, the entire two lines was what I sent, not just the second line
"Next time you gotta aim for my face"
"Do you work all day today?"
My dad was shooting hot fire out his butt because of some bad food... so I sent him "Allah hu Akbaaaaaaarr!!!!"... No regrets.
"Please stop texting me"
"I forgot that we discussed pterodactyl porn"- Fantabulous 2k16
"We gonna get high asf"
"You got any bud?"
"in what context"
Good luck on frisbee tryouts
"Lol, my dick is bigger than that".
"I'm home baby"
"I swear dude she said she was 18"
Haha oh you. Or kiss me you fool
207 comments and only 77 likes what the fvck?
Well at least I will have Israel on my side.
"So even i have limits as too how cold my pizza can be lol"
"No" is a pretty good slogan, though
"Tell your grandpa"
"orange flavored cinnamon rolls sound good"
Got the Kids
"get me a chicken slice"
"Love you too goodnight"
"I just hit plat in overwatch ya cvnts" I think the public would be impressed
Yeah, and females got a manicyr.
"J'tai pris ta petite amie et tu peut rien faire pour la re-avoir"
See I should do homework but......Netflix
I'm not at school
"I remember how happy you were"
Haha I figured so, and ugh self imagery 😝
Hahahahhaha! Omg.. That is obsessive
"Ok great thanks" 2016
Damn you rebel
Ill be home at 1:30
"Hey, you're a scum"
As a picture above "Where did that exclamation point appear?"
"Hey. This is John. They have a layer and a half of 910s left (15-20 minutes) and are running right now. I asked Jeremy how long the changeover would take and he said a couple hours." Catchy
@Doctor Krieger, yep. Engine bearings.
"You chillin today?"
"Meet me at the theatre entrance"
"You can fvck off mate"
Was texting my bro :]
"Why did the ghost get into an elevator? To lift his spirits, dude, to lift his spirits."
"I didn't know there was a debate coming up"
7, 6 actually.
Now why do I say?
"I guess I'll see you later"
"They're my favorite"
No creamy chicken
"I'm more of a Asian MILF kinda guy"
"Ugh this job will be great"
"That would be a cool ad"
Pretty hard I assume.
So what problem do people have with it?
"Only if you take it"
Im gonna lick whipe cream off of thos tittes
"Ah. Thank you."
Hey babe! Good luck w whatever you're doing today
"I bet you looked good running"
Because I love him! ~Oh My Lovely Zen~
"Reconnaissance mission to recover stolen couch tonight. #ReconReady"
"Hope thats koolio"
"Wtf is Realismo Mágico?"
"I could leave earlier due to scheduling conflicts, so I'm getting the 5:30 bus" I'm sure I'll win!!
"I'm sitting ouside the main entrance to the infusion center."
"alright cool. See you then."
"Sleep tight, get rested."
The Imp for president. "Alright thanks. Ill keep at it."
New Lamaitre song
Its just a bunch of memes...
You got a hookup man?
A "G"if(hard G) of darla (the brace face from finding nemo) tapping on the fish tank glass
"Okay. I'm done reading now."
"JOHN CENA WINS" hell yeah
"On our way out"
"I like Funny Pics"
PG. 58 4-10 12 17 19 is due for wednesday
👅👅💧💧💧💧 thirsty hoe
"We can go if you want"
Oh noo! Hope your ok!
"I would please"
*gifof Jason momoa*
"Khal dragon the seductive dancer"
I made a meme of this Jazzy I found outside of panda express.
My last outgoing text was a link to a picture on FunnyPics.
@BBraamse, it's important to tell us which one
Id say youd have to ask him. Maybe he just has a weird fashion sense.
"But... but daddy sexbang"
Please elect me
We were talking about Dan Avidan
"What are you doing?"
Sorry I dozed off for a bit
"Okay, I'll figure out."
"Do you know how many quarts your crockpot is?"
When you comin to get on dis dick
"Hold on Bird's being difficult"
Is your sand blaster working?
Sure, I'll make you pizza
"Hope you have a wonderful birthday!"
"We're on the way."
"I have a pot problem lol"
*gets on the stand*
*adjusts my tie*
*taps on the mic and looks into the audience*
*THE CROWD GOES WILD*
"She's out. Ow"
Half asleep responding that I let my dog out this morning before leaving to work.
"Me neither. Can't get the feeling of cat pee off of me". How cute.
"Let's go grab a beer"...I can stand with this
"That's really sucks"
"Ahahahahaha wtf, how did that get there?"
"Older he gets...the less I'm needed"
"Well, you're busy at least lol"
"Nevermind, it's Tuesdays now"
"Yeah. For security"
"Sorry, I shouldn't text you like this. I hope you're doing well. I'm doing ok. "
And don't call me a hoe!
"we don't have anything, just breakfast stuff"
"Alright cool" alright cool
"EMERGENCY Up BUBBLE UP BUBBLE RISE RISE RISE" ... I guess it works
I believe in you!