I have anger issues, fear of getting physically violent keeps me from making real relationships. Anyone else wanna share anonymously?
@BearDaniels, I get so anxious when people are angry with me that I try to avoid conflict in my life at all costs. I usually avoid serious relationships because I dread having to have difficult conversations with people, and I fear my timid nature will keep me from reaching my career goals.
@HolyCatchphrase, Same boat. I hate people yelling at me or each other so I'm 24/7 walking on eggshells and trying to please people. I don't have anyone I can count on to share my burdens with. People come in and out of my life so often that I pretty much expect it by this point and have a hard time being optimistic about any friendships I make. I've had maybe three good night's sleep in the past 3 1/2 years. I'm paranoid whenever I'm happy and I assume that people don't care about me despite evidence to the contrary. I'm a self-pitying doormat. Starting to grow out of all that but it's slow progress.
@SimonPetrikov, I’m also awful at saving money because I undercharge people for my work and waste money paying for food and gifts for friends who I’m worried might otherwise think of me as a cheap freeloader despite the fact I would never expect them to spend money on me. I’m trying to grow out of it too but it’s not easy to overcome your nature. I actually feel a little better lamenting with someone who relates. Remember you’re not alone.
@HolyCatchphrase, @SimonPetrikov same dude same 2 damn close 4 me
@BearDaniels, is it bad if u don't know wat makes u depressed even if u should be happy at the time but just will be on and off all the time
@BearDaniels, I've never been in a relationship because I feel like I'm not girlfriend material. I'm pretty sure it's my depression getting in the way of things but I feel weird when someone is touching me that isn't my hands. I tend to tense up when someone is giving me a massage is a good example.
My social anxiety acts up in a lot of situations except if it's something I'm passionate about. Even going to the doctors gets me nervous, even when they've known me pretty much since I was born.
And I have a problem speaking about my feelings. When I get mad, it's usually at myself, I don't speak to anyone and I start crying. It's my way of expelling that feeling so I don't hurt anyone physically or mentally but some people think I'm a 'crybaby' because of it (probably not true but my mind is hard to explain with that).
Hopefully with the help of my therapist I can overcome or at least improve these hurdles so I can be more happy and pursue my career more smoothly.
@BearDaniels, I wanna share with strangers! I can get so anxious about socializing with literally anyone, even if it's someone I've known my whole life, and I will talk myself out of any possible kind of social interaction. I feel I don't deserve the friends I have, they're too good for me, because what am I to them? They're talented, have bright futures ahead of them, and they're truly wonderful people. I don't deserve these nice people in my life because I'm nothing to them. I seriously dislike a lot of things about myself and I have to wear a mask around friends and family because if they knew how much I hated myself I'd be doing more than just therapy.
Thanks guys, that helped! My therapist didn't learn this for two months!
@Lolsy, Wait I got more.
I fear physical intimacy just as much as I crave it. I'm so desperately lonely that I could get in a really bad relationship if I'm not careful. I have no idea what a proper relationship is like because the last six years of my life I never saw it among my family. My parents hated each other and when my mom finally started divorce proceedings my dad fought it to hell and back. He became an alcoholic and in turn became verbally abusive. My brother never experienced it the way I did because he had friends and a girlfriend he could be with. I had no one and took the abuse like the b!tch I am. We've finally gotten away but now he's trying to seek forgiveness because what he did is in the past so it's okay. My mom no longer lives in the state so I can no longer see her normally. My live has flipped upside down and I have no idea how to healthily deal with it so I just seclude myself from friends and play video games all day.
@Lolsy, It's four A.M. and a lot of wounds have opened seeing this meme.
I do sometimes struggle with dark thoughts, and more than once in my life has suicide been thought about. I never acted on it but it would cross my mind more than it should have. The only thing that stopped it from getting worse was how my mother and brother would feel, as I had too few friends at the time and they were the only family I actively saw. Now that I've actually made some friends who somehow like me I've kept the thoughts under control but good God it's hard to keep a positive demeanor when I'm this broken and am too socially inept to say to someone 'Hey I'm not happy can I vent?' But that's the curse I suffer from having low-spectrum autism and crippling social anxiety. The mask can only stay on for so long, and I don't want to lose my friends by venting to them and I know I won't lose them but that's my rationale and I hate it.
@BearDaniels, I don't date because I feel like the girls I'm interested in can do better than me, even though I can make them laugh at any given moment, but I always have this thought in the back of my mind, why are you wasting her time and holding her back from finding someone better? I also feel like I'm always bothering friends whenever I text them. Even when I'm hanging out with friends and we are all laughing and having a good time, the thought in the back of my head is saying, why are you here? And then sometimes leave without anyone noticing
@BearDaniels, I constantly am worried that even my closest friends don't like me because I think I'm annoying and have a grating personality and I honestly only think they put up with me because they're friends with my boyfriend.
I'm also worried my boyfriend and I won't make it too much further since he's cheated on me. Twice. But we've been together over 9 years and the thought of trying to date again literally paralyzes me with fear
@BearDaniels, I'm kinda in the opposite boat. I don't feel I have anyone I can vent to or express myself properly to. I have somewhat strange taste in movies, music, humour, etc. and only my closest friends who I've moved away from since college really share that with me. When I'm having a really shjt day too, I don't feel I am justified to bother other people with my negativity, and do I really deserve to overcome it if I can't overcome it alone anyways? I've never been diagnosed with depression or anything, but I'm pretty sure I've got some of it. My mood can be swung by one good thing but more often by one bad thing for the whole day and it's kinda shjtty. Thanks for the post, it was good to lay my feelings out
@BearDaniels, I have really bad trust issues, and I only have 2 friends who I don't even tell most of anything to. I also have this rule that if you have a problem with me, or vice-versa, I'll confront you about it, then they have a week to at least talk to me about it, but if they don't, they get blocked on everything, and I dont speak to them anymore. It's worked great so far, I've only had to do it to 5 people
@BearDaniels, I want to have a good relationship with my mom but it’s so difficult in a way I can barely describe. It just hurts because whenever I try to get serious about some things with her that I want to talk about, she brushes it away or changes the subject. I don’t even know if she means to at this point. On the surface, it seems like we have a good friendship y’know? But all we do is drink together and joke and talk about basic things. I want to be able to tell her I’ve had depression for a while. I want to tell her I wish I could quit college rather than keep going through it and stressing myself out more. I want to be able to tell her I’m bi but it’s so..difficult. Either I can’t get the word out right or she doesn’t take me seriously. It’s hard to be close to your parents because sometimes the generational gap spaces you apart more than you think.
I rarely ever comment much on here but this whole thing got me talking. Can’t say much more than thank guys. Really. Thank you.
@BearDaniels, I’m a paranoid schizophrenic, i can barely move outside for fear of anything and everything, it’s f-ed up multiple relationships and is close to messing up one more
@HolyCatchphrase, Neither are you. Also, what kind of work do you do?
@SimonPetrikov, I’m an artist and currently I work as an assistant to a successful oil painter which isn’t a bad income and I get to paint all day but I’m trying to branch off with my own work and be a freelance illustrator. All I do now in that direction is small personal commissions but I get so nervous pricing them that I estimate much lower than other artists I know and then still constantly fear the client will be disappointed with the work.
@BearDaniels, I have a fear of not being good enough for a significant other or my friends. I have trouble talking about and showing my emotions or feelings because past significant others have ruined how I express love or affection for any one person or thing. I avoid confrontation at all costs and stay wholly neutral in any disagreement. I tend to put other people’s happiness over mine because I don’t know how to be happy myself but being sad I know, although I do take comfort in the fact that I sometimes make people happy. My family asks why I never spend time with them and when I’m home I sleep all the time, that’s because I’m so emotionally tired all the time that I literally don’t have the energy to do anything but sleep, I haven’t eaten a full meal in weeks because I haven’t any energy.
@BearDaniels, I get infatuated quickly but run when I find out the person likes me back, or I make us scenarios where they don’t like me or like someone else. I have low self esteem. I often think my friends don’t like me and think I am annoying and needy. I fear it will hinder my relationships. I have a hard time showing love above superficial love aside for with some of my family.
@BearDaniels, my last relationship ended with my SO calling me a child. I have now had a reoccurring dream the last 5 months where the scene repeats itself. I have been skulking responsibilities and all I want is to prove her wrong, even though she shut me out almost a year ago. It’s been affecting my relationship with my parents and friends, especially after my parents made a light joke about a childish act.
@Hagrids Hairy Beard, screw her! she’s a pedophile
@BearDaniels, I'm fiercely loyal and too empathetic/emotional, consequently I'm too easily taken advantage of. On top of that I have abandonment issues on account of my dead dad and alcoholic step father. Therefore, I keep people at a distance much longer than most in order to defend myself. But if you deal with my shît long enough I'm a decent bro.
@HolyCatchphrase, I used to have this one. Honestly I can't tell you how I moved past it. It kinda just occurred to me one day that when people are angry they're usually not violent and will quickly calm down if you stay calm and let them vent.
side note: if you're dealing with a person who responds to a disagreement with anger that person is automatically in the wrong and by maintaining your calm you are in the right.
@lickalottapusseh, it's not bad. That sounds like bipolar depression. It doesn't have to have a cause because it's a dopamine imbalance. I'm not saying you're bipolar, but sometimes depression be like that.
@Ashoka02Tano, I can kind of relate to that. I have hyper sensitive nerves likely on account of the beatings I took from my step dad as a kid. Ask my wife lol I'm jumpy. I don't know though, exposure therapy helped me with my nerves and touching. Hopefully you'll find someone you're comfortable enough to embrace some day.
@faptcha, I don't see myself being with someone xD But who knows, maybe one day I'll find someone. Thanks for that encouragement :)
Sounds about right. It’s also fitting that they’re lonely